June 27, 2008

One of the stupidest ideas I have heard in this never-ending 2008 presidential
campaign is the proposal to implement a gas tax holiday. John McCain and
Hillary Clinton both started this idea as gas prices started rising rapidly, and
now McCain is pushing it again as part of his tactical energy policy. I don't
know who came up with the idea initially, but frankly I can't believe that
presidential candidates would waste their time and breath on such inane
nonsense.

To me (and I'm assuming to most Americans as well), a holiday means one of
two things; either a specific day off (like the Labor Day holiday, or Martin
Luther King Jr Day holiday), or a vacation (this interpretation of holiday is
more common in Europe, but it is also fairly widely used here in the States). I
will now address both of these options as it pertains to the subject of gas tax.

First, I'll address the idea of a gas tax holiday as a day off from work. In
principle, I think that's a great idea. Who really likes having to work? If work
was fun, they would call it "fun" instead of "work" (or maybe they'd call it
"fun-work", or "fwork"...) But why would you use this new holiday to honor
gas taxes? We already have enough lame holidays like the President's Day
holiday (almost everyone has to work on President's Day anyways, and how
do we honor Washington and Lincoln through low low prices on mattresses?)
and Arbor Day and Groundhog Day, but to me Gas Tax Day would out-lame
all those other holidays by itself. How the heck would we be expected to
celebrate a gas tax holiday? With parades and speeches? Would we all be
expected to buy lots of gas, or no gas at all? Would employees at gas stations
around the country have to work on a gas tax holiday? If we're going to add a
new holiday to our roster, let's honor someone or something more worthy of a
day off, someone or something that has contributed to the greatness of our
nation...like Jack Bauer Day, or maybe Banana Day, or even a day to honor the
service and sacrifice of our nation's military forces (We could call it "Military
Force Day").

As I mentioned earlier, the term "holiday" also is used  a vacation. People
around the world go on safari holidays, or Las Vegas holidays and sometimes
even themed holidays like golf holidays or antiquing holidays. As President I
will represent all Americans, so I won't judge you based on the holiday you
choose to take (even if it is an antiquing holiday). But who wants to go on a
gas tax holiday?  I can't imagine even the bravest promoter launching a gas tax
amusement park, nor can I imagine a Charlie Brown gas tax holiday cartoon
special. I don't want to offend any Americans who may be big fans of gas taxes,
but frankly I think a gas tax holiday would  be lamer than a Branson, Missouri
vacation and even lamer than a vacation at EuroDisney. As a proud and
patriotic American, I can not allow my country to be represented by a holiday
as dopey as a gas tax holiday.

I watch on TV as various pundits, economists and energy experts debate the
so-called merits and drawbacks of this gas tax holiday proposal, and I'm
shocked (SHOCKED!) that none of them have been able to cut through the
blah blah blah and the gobbledy-goo posturing of career politicians. To me, this
is just one more example of how my outsider status enables me to get straight
to the heart of an issue, and to address that issue effectively, concisely and in
the best interests of the American people.
Gas Tax Holiday - June 27, 2008