May 12, 2008
If you watch TV, read the newspaper or surf the Internet, you have
undoubtedly noticed how much the major party candidates travel as part of
their presidential "campaigns". This week they're in Minnesota, next week in
Florida. On Tuesday they're at a fundraiser in Baton Rouge, on Thursday
they're baking clams on Nantucket. I don't know how you, Joe America, feel
about all this boondoggle traveling, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't rub me
the wrong way.
First, I'm offended by the lack of a work ethic shown by my major competitors.
They're all employed (by you and me, i.e. our government), yet they've got a
year or more to take off and travel the country? Where's the accountability?
Where's the sense of decency? Where's the shame? Retired people can't afford to
criss-cross the country for a year in their Winnebagos because the clowns in
Washington have us paying $3.50 for a gallon of gas, and yet these rapscallions
(yes you, Barack, Hillary and John!) are not only drawing their steady
paycheck, but they also have the audacity to ask you for more of your
hard-earned money to support their idleness. If they're willing to flaunt their
urge to vacation to such a degree when they're merely candidates, think what
it will be like if one of them actually gets elected...they probably won't even
bother to show up at the White House, because they'll be too busy sipping mai
tais in Maui and scuba-diving in Key West.
And it's not like they're taking Greyhound buses and staying in youth hostels.
No my friends, they're chartering private jets and staying in 5 star hotels (and
not just in 5 star hotel rooms, but in 5 star hotel room suites!). And what is that
doing to the environment, and to the economy? How much fuel do they waste,
how much money are they throwing away, how much of our time is being
wasted as part of their vanity tours? Do you really need to visit Seattle as part
of a "listening tour"? Do you have to spend time in Memphis to "put your
finger on the pulse of America"?
The answer, of course, is No. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm running for
President also, and you don't see me shirking my job responsibilities and
traveling willy-nilly across this great land of ours. Newsflash for the
Democrats and Republicans - Why not learn about the United States of
America the way that I do, the way that millions of Americans do and the way
that tens of millions of people around the world do; watch TV! Not only can
you figure out the lowest (and I do mean "lowest") common denominators of
American culture, but you can do it from the comfort of your own sofa... And
you can do it after your workday has ended! Instead of wasting all our time by
spreading their "blah blah blah" on all the TV news channels, they should stay
home and just watch TV.
I'm not saying I'm better than them because I embrace the medium of the
television to stay in touch with America and her great citizens, I'm just saying
all the other candidates are worse than me for not doing so. If you look past the
sins of my extended-vacation-taking, natural-resource-depleting,
time-and-money-wasting competitors in this race, I think you'll have nobody
to blame but yourself come January 2009 if I'm still at home watching the
inauguration on TV, instead of swearing my oath of office.
If you watch TV, read the newspaper or surf the Internet, you have
undoubtedly noticed how much the major party candidates travel as part of
their presidential "campaigns". This week they're in Minnesota, next week in
Florida. On Tuesday they're at a fundraiser in Baton Rouge, on Thursday
they're baking clams on Nantucket. I don't know how you, Joe America, feel
about all this boondoggle traveling, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't rub me
the wrong way.
First, I'm offended by the lack of a work ethic shown by my major competitors.
They're all employed (by you and me, i.e. our government), yet they've got a
year or more to take off and travel the country? Where's the accountability?
Where's the sense of decency? Where's the shame? Retired people can't afford to
criss-cross the country for a year in their Winnebagos because the clowns in
Washington have us paying $3.50 for a gallon of gas, and yet these rapscallions
(yes you, Barack, Hillary and John!) are not only drawing their steady
paycheck, but they also have the audacity to ask you for more of your
hard-earned money to support their idleness. If they're willing to flaunt their
urge to vacation to such a degree when they're merely candidates, think what
it will be like if one of them actually gets elected...they probably won't even
bother to show up at the White House, because they'll be too busy sipping mai
tais in Maui and scuba-diving in Key West.
And it's not like they're taking Greyhound buses and staying in youth hostels.
No my friends, they're chartering private jets and staying in 5 star hotels (and
not just in 5 star hotel rooms, but in 5 star hotel room suites!). And what is that
doing to the environment, and to the economy? How much fuel do they waste,
how much money are they throwing away, how much of our time is being
wasted as part of their vanity tours? Do you really need to visit Seattle as part
of a "listening tour"? Do you have to spend time in Memphis to "put your
finger on the pulse of America"?
The answer, of course, is No. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm running for
President also, and you don't see me shirking my job responsibilities and
traveling willy-nilly across this great land of ours. Newsflash for the
Democrats and Republicans - Why not learn about the United States of
America the way that I do, the way that millions of Americans do and the way
that tens of millions of people around the world do; watch TV! Not only can
you figure out the lowest (and I do mean "lowest") common denominators of
American culture, but you can do it from the comfort of your own sofa... And
you can do it after your workday has ended! Instead of wasting all our time by
spreading their "blah blah blah" on all the TV news channels, they should stay
home and just watch TV.
I'm not saying I'm better than them because I embrace the medium of the
television to stay in touch with America and her great citizens, I'm just saying
all the other candidates are worse than me for not doing so. If you look past the
sins of my extended-vacation-taking, natural-resource-depleting,
time-and-money-wasting competitors in this race, I think you'll have nobody
to blame but yourself come January 2009 if I'm still at home watching the
inauguration on TV, instead of swearing my oath of office.
| Campaigning - May 12, 2008 |
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