June 1, 2008
Fashion is an ever-changing world. But much like the seasons, trends come
and go on a cyclical basis. Some fashion trends stand up better over time than
others. For example, trends that hold their fashion currency over time include
black wingtip shoes, a plunging neckline and the "afro" hair style. However,
there are many fashion fads that end up leaving people (not just the people
wearing these fashion faux pas, but also the people who have to witness and
deal with the consequences of these style blunders) upset, shuddering and
screaming for fashion justice. In my highly-developed presidential opinion,
there are certain universal fashion "don'ts" that I would like to see legislated
out of existence in the United States of America.
First, I think the leggings that were all the rage in the age of aerobics should
never, ever become fashionable again. As this image illustrates, even a fit,
healthy attractive woman can not pull off an outfit that includes these
leggings.
Fashion is an ever-changing world. But much like the seasons, trends come
and go on a cyclical basis. Some fashion trends stand up better over time than
others. For example, trends that hold their fashion currency over time include
black wingtip shoes, a plunging neckline and the "afro" hair style. However,
there are many fashion fads that end up leaving people (not just the people
wearing these fashion faux pas, but also the people who have to witness and
deal with the consequences of these style blunders) upset, shuddering and
screaming for fashion justice. In my highly-developed presidential opinion,
there are certain universal fashion "don'ts" that I would like to see legislated
out of existence in the United States of America.
First, I think the leggings that were all the rage in the age of aerobics should
never, ever become fashionable again. As this image illustrates, even a fit,
healthy attractive woman can not pull off an outfit that includes these
leggings.
| Headbands - June 1, 2008 |
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Additionally, plaid is a look that has no business in the modern world, unless
you have been in the "modern world" for at least 85-90 years. Aside from the
two examples below (perhaps the only two examples that exist world-wide),
nobody has any business attempting to pull off the "plaid look":
you have been in the "modern world" for at least 85-90 years. Aside from the
two examples below (perhaps the only two examples that exist world-wide),
nobody has any business attempting to pull off the "plaid look":
One fashion look that also has not stood the test of time is the headband. There
are some situations in which the headband is a "cool" and "respected" look. Not
many, but some. Those situations include and are limited to; 1) a U.S. soldier
in combat in Southeast Asia or South America, or 2) a minor league basketball
player in the 1970's.
are some situations in which the headband is a "cool" and "respected" look. Not
many, but some. Those situations include and are limited to; 1) a U.S. soldier
in combat in Southeast Asia or South America, or 2) a minor league basketball
player in the 1970's.
That being said, there are really no other situations where a headband is
appropriate. It doesn't matter how good your kick-ball team is, or how much
you love your daughter, there is no place in 21st century America for the
headband. Alcohol may be offered up as a mitigating factor, but in the end a
fashion crime is a fashion crime, regardless of knowledge or intent. For the
sake of the young girl pictured below, and the potentially millions more like
her across our great nation, we must inspire our government to act decisively
on this issue. I'm sure her Mom means well, as does her Dad (despite their
obvious inebriation), but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And I
will not allow our great nation to head down that road.
appropriate. It doesn't matter how good your kick-ball team is, or how much
you love your daughter, there is no place in 21st century America for the
headband. Alcohol may be offered up as a mitigating factor, but in the end a
fashion crime is a fashion crime, regardless of knowledge or intent. For the
sake of the young girl pictured below, and the potentially millions more like
her across our great nation, we must inspire our government to act decisively
on this issue. I'm sure her Mom means well, as does her Dad (despite their
obvious inebriation), but the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. And I
will not allow our great nation to head down that road.
Headbands are no longer a fashion accessory, they are a fashion crime that
must be prosecuted. And as President, I promise to rid our nation of this
scourge. Vote for Brad Willard in 2008, and you will be voting for a
leggings-free, plaid-free (except for old people), headband-free nation that will
lead the world in economic, military AND fashion matters!
must be prosecuted. And as President, I promise to rid our nation of this
scourge. Vote for Brad Willard in 2008, and you will be voting for a
leggings-free, plaid-free (except for old people), headband-free nation that will
lead the world in economic, military AND fashion matters!