July 12, 2008
To watch the news these days, you would think that this country is a country
divided almost 50/50 between "red states" (i.e. those states that the Republicans
will win in a presidential election) and "blue states", (i.e. those states that the
Democrats will win in a presidential election).
I believe that the majority of citizens in our great nation only vote as they do
because they have such a limited selection. If your only choice is between
Coke and Pepsi every time you want a soft drink, or Fox News and CNN every
time you want to see the news, your behavior will of course become
conditioned and fall into a predictable rut. I'm not a psychiatrist, a psychologist
or a ventriloquist, but I firmly believe that, whether you recognize it or not,
your behavior is determined by the choices available to you.
With all that as a preface, I would now like to address the subject of the whole
"Republicans = Red, Democrats = Blue" nonsense that now plagues our great
nation. I don't know who, how or why those colors have been assigned to those
parties, but to me it makes sense and it is representative of the boring,
unimaginative and predictable policies that the major parties represent. Just as
their policy choices are bland and blah, so are their party color choices.
Although many pundits may ridicule my choice to politicize the color I adopt
as my color, I have to dismiss such criticism as crass, ignorant and crap-tastic.
It is my prerogative (no respect or disrespect to Bobby Brown intended) to
choose a color that represents the Willard 2008 movement in a positive, unique
and innovative way, and nobody in the press or elsewhere has the right to
downplay the importance of this decision.
As we stand on the precipice of this monumental decision, a nation holds its
breath in anticipation of my decision. This is a dramatic choice that has the
potential to change the way political maps are drawn in the mainstream media
for decades, months, years or even days to come. But enough with the drama
and the suspense, let's get to the decision that all America is waiting for and
that has caused you to continue reading this nonsense and gobbledygook.
First off, let's discuss the colors that I didn't choose. These colors have nothing
to be ashamed of, it's just that in the end they didn't measure up to what I
think the country wants to see on their electoral map the morning after a
presidential election. I could have obviously chosen black for my color (black
is bad-ass, and it's always last year's, this year's or next year's big thing), but
black is honestly a bit macabre and has too many negative associations for a
large segment of the American electorate. I could have also picked white, as
that is the only color of the American flag remaining and it goes well with
most any other color. But white is also the color of surrender (and therefore
also the official color of France, as I understand it), and I think choosing white
would be a crass and transparent attempt to play to the base emotions of the
American electorate. Yellow and pink are out for obvious reasons, and shades
like mauve, ecru, beige and taupe just don't project the image of power and
virility that my administration deserves.
Therefore, I have decided that all the states I win electorally in the 2008
election should be represented by the color plaid. I know many of you
fashionistas will jump all over the fact that "plaid" is technically not a color. To
you style bigots, I simply say "Get over it". Unlike my boring career politician
opponents, I think outside the box. I bring new ideas to the table, and that
table will be covered with a plaid tablecloth.
I am also well aware that I myself have disparaged plaid earlier in my own
campaign positioning. While I still stand by my contention that most folks can
not pull off the plaid look, I also contend that I am one of very few people who
can do this. As examples, I present to you below examples of how plaid can be
macho, how plaid can be sexy and how plaid can be presidential:
To watch the news these days, you would think that this country is a country
divided almost 50/50 between "red states" (i.e. those states that the Republicans
will win in a presidential election) and "blue states", (i.e. those states that the
Democrats will win in a presidential election).
I believe that the majority of citizens in our great nation only vote as they do
because they have such a limited selection. If your only choice is between
Coke and Pepsi every time you want a soft drink, or Fox News and CNN every
time you want to see the news, your behavior will of course become
conditioned and fall into a predictable rut. I'm not a psychiatrist, a psychologist
or a ventriloquist, but I firmly believe that, whether you recognize it or not,
your behavior is determined by the choices available to you.
With all that as a preface, I would now like to address the subject of the whole
"Republicans = Red, Democrats = Blue" nonsense that now plagues our great
nation. I don't know who, how or why those colors have been assigned to those
parties, but to me it makes sense and it is representative of the boring,
unimaginative and predictable policies that the major parties represent. Just as
their policy choices are bland and blah, so are their party color choices.
Although many pundits may ridicule my choice to politicize the color I adopt
as my color, I have to dismiss such criticism as crass, ignorant and crap-tastic.
It is my prerogative (no respect or disrespect to Bobby Brown intended) to
choose a color that represents the Willard 2008 movement in a positive, unique
and innovative way, and nobody in the press or elsewhere has the right to
downplay the importance of this decision.
As we stand on the precipice of this monumental decision, a nation holds its
breath in anticipation of my decision. This is a dramatic choice that has the
potential to change the way political maps are drawn in the mainstream media
for decades, months, years or even days to come. But enough with the drama
and the suspense, let's get to the decision that all America is waiting for and
that has caused you to continue reading this nonsense and gobbledygook.
First off, let's discuss the colors that I didn't choose. These colors have nothing
to be ashamed of, it's just that in the end they didn't measure up to what I
think the country wants to see on their electoral map the morning after a
presidential election. I could have obviously chosen black for my color (black
is bad-ass, and it's always last year's, this year's or next year's big thing), but
black is honestly a bit macabre and has too many negative associations for a
large segment of the American electorate. I could have also picked white, as
that is the only color of the American flag remaining and it goes well with
most any other color. But white is also the color of surrender (and therefore
also the official color of France, as I understand it), and I think choosing white
would be a crass and transparent attempt to play to the base emotions of the
American electorate. Yellow and pink are out for obvious reasons, and shades
like mauve, ecru, beige and taupe just don't project the image of power and
virility that my administration deserves.
Therefore, I have decided that all the states I win electorally in the 2008
election should be represented by the color plaid. I know many of you
fashionistas will jump all over the fact that "plaid" is technically not a color. To
you style bigots, I simply say "Get over it". Unlike my boring career politician
opponents, I think outside the box. I bring new ideas to the table, and that
table will be covered with a plaid tablecloth.
I am also well aware that I myself have disparaged plaid earlier in my own
campaign positioning. While I still stand by my contention that most folks can
not pull off the plaid look, I also contend that I am one of very few people who
can do this. As examples, I present to you below examples of how plaid can be
macho, how plaid can be sexy and how plaid can be presidential:
| The End of Red and Blue States - July 12, 2008 |
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Let's face it, folks. When it comes to presidential politics, red and blue are
sissy colors. Just as the traditional party candidates are afraid to take positions
that may shock or offend, they are also afraid to choose colors that in any way
fall outside the mainstream of the color spectrum. The Willard 2008 campaign
is above such petty petulance.
sissy colors. Just as the traditional party candidates are afraid to take positions
that may shock or offend, they are also afraid to choose colors that in any way
fall outside the mainstream of the color spectrum. The Willard 2008 campaign
is above such petty petulance.